I keep hemming and hawing about what to write as my first blog post. I want something memorable and entertaining and funny and informative…. damned if I’ve got nothing! So I guess I’ll just wing it!
If you had time to browse through “The Kids” section then you’ll know that my little guy Thomas is a pretty special baby to me. Long story short, (to save you from reading 4 years worth of a blog) my husband and I had a long ordeal with infertility due to my failing Endocrine system. We finally got pregnant in August 2013 but lost him in December 2013 due to his brain malformation called Dandy Walker plus my very early (starting at 18 weeks) and severe bout of Preeclampsia and HELLP. We went on to do another infertility procedure in July 2014 and got pregnant with my Thomas. He was born full term and healthy, albeit small, and we’ve been absolutely smitten with him the second we saw him. He truly is my miracle baby.
I’m a pretty big advocate in the infertility, preeclampsia, and loss worlds so you may be reading blog posts here and there about it. Just a heads up!
Last night I decided to sing to Thomas while we waited for his nighttime bottle to warm up. I love to sing and Thomas seems to like listening but I just haven’t sang to him in awhile. Since Grandma Shirley (Jim’s grandma) gave me her copy of Taylor Swift’s new CD, I’ve been listening to it on repeat for a solid week. Naturally I have 15 songs stuck in my head at any given time. Thomas got a snippet of “Out of the Woods” but while I was singing to him and looking down at those big blue eyes staring at me, I started crying! The lyrics just really got me for the first time…. “Are we out of the woods yet?” and seeing his face and thinking “Yes, I think so…”.
I’m still living with a great deal of loss mom tendencies and always worried something bad will happen to him but on the other hand…. I never thought I’d have a living baby in my arms and here is this beautiful and amazing son that I have. I’m also a little emotional about him and practically everything lately because next month is his 1st birthday. Its still surreal. I have a son. He’s alive and happy and healthy and THAT is what I’ve always prayed for.
Sometimes I get frustrated or depressed with other aspects of my life….career, money, relationships….but the one single thing that I wanted most and worked my ass off for I have.
Life is pretty good looking at it that way!