Surviving Marriage After Loss

During Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month we often talk about the mom’s feelings and the dad’s feelings and ways to cope with the loss. Not often do we talk about how to keep our marriages healthy and strong, not only for the days following, but weeks…months…years. How, exactly, does a couple make it through something so difficult as a loss together?

  1.  You must think of this as shared grief. Neither of you should feel like your pain is more or less than the other. A loss is a loss and you need to be there for each other. There is physical and emotional pain on both sides and we need to be able to see that to move forward, cope, and heal.
  2. Seek help from a grief counselor, either together or separately. When the waters are over your head, sometimes it’s best to seek help. Let them throw you a buoy.
  3. Understand that men and women are different and our grieving processes aren’t the same either. What may work for you may not work for your significant other.
  4. Talk to each other. This sounds so simple yet is the hardest item on this list. Being honest about your feelings, especially as time goes on, is so important.
  5. Listen to each other. This, of course, goes hand in hand with talking to each other but it is equally important. Sometimes we have bad days and its comforting to have an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on.

Nothing is easy about losing a pregnancy, infant, or child….or anyone for that matter. Every day after is a struggle to find your new normalcy and although it takes time, it can be done. Hopefully these tips are of help to someone out there!

 

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